I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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