as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
