Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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