Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
