So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
