hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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