I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
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