After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i believe in u and ur pee
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