I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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