While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
