Please, let me fuck your mom
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
