Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
