as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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