Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
