So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
