I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
