someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
