why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
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My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
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Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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