i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
