i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
