Me. At least after what I've been through.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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