Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
