i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I want her autograph on my taint
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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