I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
