Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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