I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
PANTIES FOUND
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