I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We talked him into tasing himself.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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