really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
