We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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