i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
