I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
