we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
please come you make the beer taste better
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
