sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
