Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
this just has baby written all over it
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
