I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
