there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
you had me at cake vodka
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
