Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
