at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
