Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
