i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
