I haven't been this sober since birth.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize