You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
