dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
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it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
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I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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