So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
