I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
they're like a gay fantastic four
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
