The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
