1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.