There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
