Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
