WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
