I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
