Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
