he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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