Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I love you. Go after that dick
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