Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
