My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
