is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
