so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
