**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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