I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
