i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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