well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
