I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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