My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize