i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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