please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
