HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
