wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
