Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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