She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
