u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
