i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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