Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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