So drunk, too bad you don't want this
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
