The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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