Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
