Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
