That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
When are your genitals available?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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