i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
