Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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